Tuesday, June 9, 2009

the reason behind it all ...


why do i blog ( again ) ...

well, let us put it this way ... in real life, i am often mistaken for someone else who i am not ... my friends,colleagues and students ( who, mostly, will become my friends/my family - god-daughter, god-son, pet-sis, pet-bro - u name it, they are on the list ) understand & accepted me better than my own flesh & blood namely my sister.

she had hated me since the day i came into this world,that was a long time ago by the way ... later when i was in the secondary school, she told me the reason. she said that she was hoping for a baby brother, not a baby sister. she wanted to be the only girl in the siblings - my brother being the eldest. she wanted to be the main attraction - so called ... so that my parents would pamper her as she would be the only girl ... BUT, God had other plans for her .. too bad ...

she used to tell me that i was adopted ... i was not a part of the family, that was why I am not as fair as her, etc ... she blackmailed me, she manipulated me, she pinched me & stuffs ...

during her internship in sarawak, my mom & i accompanied her there ... my mom was worried if she were to be there alone ... plus, i did quite well in my exam ( penilaian darjah lima at that time ), so it was like a reward for me as well ... we hunted for houses to be rented, we took the bus, we went to stay with strangers while searching for houses, for her ... then, we found the house and being her, before she went to work in the morning, she gave me a verbal list of things to do around the house such as sweeping, cleaning,etc ... when she got home in the evening, she practically run her fingers on the floor, stairs & furniture to see if there was any dust on it ... OMG, i was turned into the maid - all those while i thought this is my reward for performing well in my exam :( ... one of the episodes of so many other sad events ...

then, after she completed her diploma, she got married & left the house ... she followed her husband who was then working in USA ... while i was in a boarding school, she wrote to me - a few pages of letters - some kind of 'bonding' with me, trying to explain the things she did to me - about wishing for a younger brother & stuff ... when she came back, things were better between us ... i thought ... well, the past is the past, look forward to the future ... later in life, she got her wishes - in a rather ironic way, she got four boys as sons ... no daughter at all ... good for her as now she can live her dreams ... me & her, life goes on ... so the past was put way behind us ...

but recently, things change for the worse ...or perhaps the better ... it's all God's plan, so we'll see ...


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