Of being misunderstood ...

Been there, done that ... decided not to be bothered by it anymore ... thus a peaceful life I gained. Unfortunately in this world, life is NOT a bed of roses ... It is the survival of the fittest, the weaklings are left to mend for themselves and most would succumb to the 'injuries'.

I am saying this because I see that some people are still in their own 'bubble' thinking that the world evolves around them, and not the other way around. They thought that if they make themselves believed that their world is 'fine' so everything is bright & merry. They are the ones who feel they are better than the rest, if you do not belong to their 'group', you are an outcast ... They would only look your way when they want YOU to do something FOR THEM. You are merely a 'servant' who lives to serve & worship them. They have the rights to scold you, to call you names and to do as they please. They have the rights to hurt you but expect you to still respect them & run to them whenever they call for you. If you don't, you are labelled as ingrates / blasphemy,etc ... It is fine for them to spit on your face, but you cannot even glance a hateful stare to them ... Well, you know what ... there is this saying, 'if you want to destroy my sweater, hold on to the thread, I am walking away' ... That is exactly what I am doing ...

To whom it may concerned - 'you can keep on sending those texts, but I am still ignoring you because you have hurt me too much ... Too much that I don't wish to be part of your life anymore' Anyway, try to decipher this texts - 'T, dgr cerita tak sehat, dah ok ke? Masuk pusrawi? Kalau nak apa2 let me know.' ... NO thanks, I DON'T want anything, especially from you. What do you think of me? Only when I want something, I should let you know? Like you did? Sorry, we may come from the same parents, but I do not share the attributes that you have ... I do not possessed a heart full of evil & manipulative schemes ... I do not know how to act nice in front of people but later stab them at the back ... I say things as they are ... whether you like it or not ...

And please, the last statement I wrote on the facebook before I deleted my account stands, the part where I said 'Have a good life' ... just continue with your life, you would do fine without me in them as you have those who you have chosen over your own siblings to live by ... They would take care of you & your family as I am just a mosquito who makes your life miserable by making irritating noises, or a frog living under a coconut shell who does not know what goes around in the world and the last bit where your son said that I am a dog who is barking - quote ' perangai sendiri macam anjing, ada hati nak sound / tegur orang ' ... So please, have a good life with the people YOU chose to be around you. Just leave me alone, with my own small family & friends who do not judge me. Those people accepted me as I am, unlike you.

Have a good life, PLEASE.

Only a pregnant woman knows how it feels to be pregnant

Yupp, basically I am still 'green' - due to nausea + throwing up every now & then ; and also the expression of still new at being pregnant ... But, I really do appreciate pregnant ladies MORE now ...

Other than the physical + emotional changes that we go through, we also face the heartache of not being able to be in control of our own bodies ... like we are not able to eat our favourite food because suddenly we can no longer tolerate the food, the constant trip to the ladies every now & then, not being able to stand almost any kind of smell, the fatigue, the drowsy spell, and a lot of other things as well. It can be frustrating sometimes as we cannot offer you any rationales for the things we do. It is as if an alien has taken over our bodies ...

I feel guilty whenever I give my husband a hard time ... like when I asked him to buy me 'mee goreng basah' only to discover later that I cannot even swallow it. It used to be something that I like in the past. Then, the fascination with coke & 'ice-cream soda', in the past it is quite difficult to see me drinking carbonated drink as I don't really go for it. Today, the moist chocolate + carrot cake was rejected the moment it tried to settle in my tummy. This Ekhwan Jr / Tatty Jr is one fussy little kid.

The journey to the office in the morning is another challenge that I find tiring. As sometimes, when I was about to sit in an empty seat, out of the blue come this 'kiasu' person that literally push me out of the way. And of course, the smell ... And the noise ...

I just hope that I would be ok soon ... And Jr would be co-operating nicely with me ... Do pray for me :)

8 weeks & counting ...

Yupp it has been 8 weeks now ... I am still feeling queasy but getting used to it already ... I am at work after 2 weeks of misery ...

The class started 8.30 this morning, a TCE 3 class - much to my surprise as I was supposed to teach TCE 1 ( 6 classes ) ... now I have 2 subjects to teach ... uwaaa

Anyway, yesterday went to V Mum at sunway pyramid and bought some pretty maternity dress ... No more ModernMum for me ... Have to start wearing them as the baby bump has started to show ... :p

the journey so far ...

I am afraid that I might be admitted to a hospital tomorrow. I went to see the doctor today for my excessive vomitting / unable to hold any food in my stomach condition. The doctor said that I am badly dehydrated/hypoglecemic ( if i get the spelling right ) & stuff. There is nothing much he can do for me other than writing a reference letter to get me admitted. He said that at least I would be put on IV which would make me less dehydrated.

So, after this I would be packing my stuff for a few days stay in a hospital ( Pusrawi Jln Tun Razak - most likely ). I am going to miss my Taupe & Oyen, and Emil & Remy ... Pray for Mama :)

So, till then ...

morning sickness? evening sickness? all day sickness!

Serve me right! I was fine without any kind of sickness for the past 4 weeks of pregnancy, but now all that seems like a very distant past ... Past few days, I was infected with 'evening sickness' where I feel sick after 5 pm, when everything and anything seems 'wrong', 'smelly', 'yucky' for no apparent reason which will induce me to vomit in the end ... Now I am feeling this sensation all day long ... this morning I throw up while I was bathing ... Uwaaaa ... And one of my friends said that this 'sickness' will continue till the 3rd month ... I have another 1 & 1/2 month to go ...

Sure wish I can 'transfer' this 'sickness' to someone else ... any volunteers out there ???

I am hungry most of the time, but I cannot eat - I cannot swallow to be exact ... the food will be stuck in the throat once it tasted 'different' ... I cannot stand rice, milk, fish, chicken to name a few ... I was telling my husband that perhaps the baby is a 'vegan' ... I am surviving on mangoes, bread, dry biscuits and water ( flavoured with sunquick ) ... Even the sight of above listed food will make me go crazy with nausea ...

I am currently on Elken Spirulina & Dr Xeniji supplement which are said to help during pregnancy. Let's pray it works. I just started yesterday ...

Till then ... even typing this down has started to make me feel *@#+$

2nd scan ...

I am finally at work - after 6 days of leaves ... And to my delight, I did not wear my pyjamas to work ... managed to find some 'baju kurung' & 'baju kurung-like' to go to work ... hehehe

Went to the clinic yesterday, did the 2nd scan - managed to get a glimpse of a 6 mm image which indicates that the baby is about 5 weeks old. I am due for another scan in another 3 weeks time. The doctor said that by that time, the image should be bigger & better.

I spoke too soon about not having any 'usual' pregnancy 'sickness' ... Now I can barely eat rice, no appetite at all - milk disgusts me, nothing taste good ... and the afternoon 'dizziness' ... Serve me right for bragging about being fine last few weeks.

The night visits to the toilet has become more frequent, 4:00 a.m is like a fixed schedule for me to get up & pay one last visit before the 6:00 a.m wake up call.

More to come ... soon :)

p/s Potter - thanks for the wish. Hehehe not only extra food, but also 'toy' ...

Updates ...

Today is Thursday, 2 July 2009 ... I have been at home since Monday enjoying my leaves - next Tuesday I will be going back to the office. Monday I need to go to the clinic for my appointment ( 2nd scan ).

What have I been up to ... well, first on last Saturday morning, I did a UPT (urine pregnancy test) and the result was positive. Yupp, there were the 2 lines instead of just 1. So, off to the clinic we went. The doctor confirmed it and did a scan. But nothing can be seen yet as it is still too early. He instructed us to come again after 10 days - i.e 6 july 2009. Hence, from that moment onwards, I have a little 'scanner' myself to scan all the food & drinks to see whether it is ok or not ok to be taken during pregnancy. Less physical activities & stuff ... Thank God I don't have any cravings ... yet ... or any of those 'morning sickness' ... Let's pray that it would continue till the full term.

On Tuesday night, Mummy & Daddy came to visit us along with Sha & Along. We missed them so much - the last time we saw them was after the wedding. Daddy looked strong & fit as usual while Mummy looked radiant & pretty. Had a marvellous time chit-chatting + trying to share some of the 'aura' with Sha hehehehe. Sha even tried my drink - Anmum Materna, well it tasted great anyway. I was surprised too as those drinks normally taste like some churned up paper + flour - only coloured to camouflage the terrible taste. Hmm my vote goes to Anmum Materna - chocolate flavoured hehehe.

My friend, Masnie is back in Rawang from UK. She gave me a call last Saturday, inviting us to a 'aqiqah' on Sunday. Unfortunately we cannot make it. I called her yesterday wishing her a happy birthday as 1 july is her birthday. She is planning to visit me today in BTS. Really look forward to that :D

And to those who have some maternity clothes business online, please contact me as I cannot get into my pants / skirts / baju kurung anymore ... Forget about jeans :( feel suffocated as the material press on my tummy ... I was wondering what can I wear to work next Tuesday ... still having this horror picture in my head where I go to work in my pyjamas ... hehehe ( nervous laughs )

Till next time ...